Wednesday, December 26, 2012

I can hear my mother now...

(if you don't know
 what clotheslines are, better skip this) 

1.  You had to wash the clothes line before hanging any clothes - walk the entire lengths of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.
 (Yep had to do that)

2.  You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.
 ( did that)
3.  You never hung a shirt by the shoulders  - always by the tail! What would the neighbors think? (amen!)

4.  Wash day on a Monday! Never hang clothes on the weekend, or Sunday, for Heaven's sake!
 (Well – a week day anyway)

5.  Hang the sheets and towels on the outside lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)
 Oh – you bet we did that!! For 2 teenage girls living in a neighborhood it was just embarrassing to have those things in full view!)

6.   It didn't matter if it was sub zero weather ... clothes would "freeze-dry."
 (Then we had to hang them inside!!)

7.  Always gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes!  Pins left on the lines were "tacky!"
 (and then THEY were dirty like the lines)

8.  If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.
 (that was a game you’d play – the less you used, the less you’d have to take off!)

9.  Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.
 (ah.. but many had to be sprinkled and rolled in a plastic bag waiting to be ironed – sometimes they’d even go in the fridge so as not to mildew ‘til mom got to them!)

10. IRONED?!  Well, that's a whole other subject!

A clothesline was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by,
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the "fancy sheets"
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the "company table cloths"
With intricate designs.

The line announced a baby's birth
From folks who lived inside -
As brand new infant clothes were hung,
So carefully with pride!

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed,
You'd know how much they'd grown!

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It also said, "Gone on vacation now"
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, "We're back!" when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare!

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy and gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way .. . ..

But clotheslines now are of the past,
For dryers make work much less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess!

I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line.

When Grandma Goes To Court

Description:                                                           cid:003e01c872a0$eaed1940$fe338748@wi.rr.comLawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife , and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'


An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

?Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, 
Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book?

Phoenix, AZ.

To all of our friends who are familiar with Phoenix.
Only someone from or familiar with, the Phoenix area would understand
this, and the really funny thing is that this is all so true!

1. 'Phoenix' actually consists of Scottsdale, Chandler, Tempe, Mesa,
Gilbert, Glendale, Peoria, Tolleson, Avondale, Goodyear, Litchfield Park,
Sun City, Sun City West, Sun City Grand, Sun Lakes, Surprise, Laveen,
Apache Junction, Gold Canyon, and half of the Mexican border.

2. The morning rush hour is from 4:00 am to noon.

The evening rush hour is from noon to 9:00 PM.

Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph.

On Loop 101, your speed is expected to match the highway number.

Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere.

For example, cars/trucks with the loudest mufflers go first at a four-way
stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in the East
Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.

It's an offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent in Phoenix.

Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment during the night to
make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, dogs, barrels, cones,
cats, mattresses, shredded tires, armchairs, rabbits, vultures, javelinas,
roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the 'I-10' are the same road.

SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain Freeway.

Dunlap and Olive are the same street too.
Northern and Shea are the same street.

Also Glendale Ave. becomes Lincoln Drive.
Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street.

I-17 is also called The Black Canyon Freeway as well as The Veterans
Memorial Highway.

The Superstition is also known as US 60.

The 101, 202 and 303 remain a large mystery to most of us.

It is not yet determined if there is a Red Mountain and a San Tan or just a
Red/Tan Mountain.

The SR51 has recently been renamed to Piestewa Freeway.

because Squaw Peak Parkway was too easy to pronounce and offensive to
Native Americans.

SR101 is also the Pima FWY except west of I-17, which is also The Black
Canyon FWY, and The Veterans Memorial HWY.

Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd. -- but, Cactus Rd. doesn't
become Thunderbird Rd. because it dead ends at a mountain.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it has been 'accidentally

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone,
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly.

If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.

13. Please note that there are many, MANY more issues to the phenomenon of
driving in Phoenix-- like the 4-cars-through-a-red-light rule -- but these
will at least get you acquainted with our unique life on the road.

65 Years Ago.

This is PRICELESS ............
A little old lady from Wisconsin had worked in and around
her family dairy farms since she was old enough to walk,
with hours of hard work and little compensation. 

When canned Carnation Milk became available in grocery
stores in the 1940's, she read an advertisement offering
$5,000 for the best slogan.

The producers wanted a rhyme beginning With
'Carnation Milk is best of all.' 

She thought to herself, I know everything there is to know
about milk and dairy farms. I can do this! She sent in her
entry, and several weeks later, a black car pulled up in
front of her house.
A large man got out, knocked on her door and said,
"Ma'am,.....The president of Carnation milk absolutely
LOVED your entry.....So much, in fact, that we are here
to award you $1,000 even though we will not be able to
use it for our advertisements!"

He did, however, have one printed up to hang on his office
(Here it is:)
True story!

Absolutely beautiful!


Look back and thank God.Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!

God closes doors no man can open and
God opens doors no man can close.
 If you need God to open some doors for you,
send this to people you like, and if you don't
need God to open some doors for you, just delete it.
God bless you.

Current European Tax Rates

(NoteThe VAT (Value Added Tax) tax in the table is the national sales tax that Europeans pay.)

United Kingdom Income Tax: 50%
VAT: 17.5% TOTAL: 67.5%

Income Tax: 40%
VAT: 19.6% TOTAL: 59.6%

Income Tax: 40%
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 65%

Income Tax: 45%
VAT: 16% TOTAL: 61%

Income Tax: 42%
VAT: 20% TOTAL: 62%

Income Tax: 55%
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 80%

Income Tax: 54.3%
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 79.3%

Income Tax: 52%
VAT: 19% TOTAL: 71%

Income Tax: 58%
VAT: 25% TOTAL: 83%

Income Tax: 53%
VAT: 22% TOTAL: 75%

If you've started to wonder what the real costs of socialism are going to be - once the full program in these United States hits your wallet, take a look at the table. As you digest these mind-boggling figures, keep in mind that in spite of these astronomical tax rates, these countries are still not financing their social welfare programs exclusively from tax revenues! They are deeply mired in public debt of gargantuan proportions. Greece has reached the point where its debt is so huge it is in imminent danger of defaulting. That is the reason the European economic community has intervened to bail them out. If you're following the financial news, you know Spain and Portugal are right behind Greece.

The United States is now heading right down the same path.  Stay tuned because that is exactly what you can expect to see the administration proposing after the fall elections. The initial percentage in the United States isn't going to be anywhere near the outrageous numbers you now see in Europe.

The current outrageous numbers in Europe didn't start out as outrageous either. They started out as minuscule - right around the 1% or 2% where they will start out in the United States. Magically, however, they ran up over the years to where they are now. Expect the same thing here.

It is the very notion that with hard work and perseverance, anybody can get ahead economically here in the USA . Do you think that can ever happen with tax rates between 60% and 80%? Think again. With the government taking that percentage of your money, your life will be exactly like life in Europe ...
You will never be able to buy a home.
You will never buy a car.
You will never send your children to college.
Let's not shuffle the battle cry of the socialists under the rug either. It's always the same cry. Equalize income. Spread the wealth to the poor (whoever they are). Level the economic playing field. Accomplish that and everything will be rosy.

It's time to take a hard look at reality.  Greece is a perfect example. Despite the socialism system that has ruled this country for decades, with a 65% tax rate, they are drowning in public debt, would have defaulted without hundreds of billions in bailout money from the EU, and still. . . 20% of their population lives in poverty. What has all that socialism money bought, besides ultimate power for the politicians running the show?

Do you think these people are "free"? They are slaves to their economic "system."
Instead of spreading the wealth around, spread this info around. It might wake up some people.


Senior Health Care

So if you're a sick senior citizen and the government says
there is no nursing home available for you,
what do you do? 
Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and
four bullets. You are allowed to shoot four
Congressmen in the ass. 
Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you
will get three meals a day, a roof over your head,
central heating, air conditioning and all
the health care you need! 
Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses?
That's great. 
Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart?
They're all covered. 
And, as an added bonus, your kids can come
and visit you as often as they do now. 
And who will be paying for all of this? It's the
same government that just told you that
they cannot afford for you to go
into a nursing home. 
Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't
have to pay any income taxes anymore. 
Is this a great country or what?

800 calls

The gas company serving this area brought their call center back to
Phoenix from India last year after numerous customer complaints. What a
difference now when you call them...and it created 300 jobs. I know
this works because they were so bad that when India answered I wouldn't
even deal with them. I'd simply ask to be transferred to a supervisor
in the U.S. and they would comply.
Now that I know it is the LAW - I will do it for sure
Any time you call an 800 number (for a credit card, banking, Verizon,
health and other insurance, computer help desk, etc) and you find that
you're talking to a foreign customer service representative (perhaps in
India , Philippines , etc), please consider doing the following:
After you connect and you realize that the customer service
representative is not from the USA (you can always ask if you are not
sure about the accent), please, very politely (this is not about
trashing other cultures) say, "I'd like to speak to a customer service
representative in the United States of America .."
The rep might suggest talking to his/her manager, but, again, politely
say, "Thank you, but I'd like to speak to a customer service
representative in the USA .."
That's the rule and the LAW.
It takes less than one minute to have your call re-directed to the USA .
Tonight when I got redirected to a USA rep, I asked again to make sure -
and yes, she was from Fort Lauderdale .
Imagine what would happen if every US citizen insisted on talking to
only US phone reps from this day on.
Imagine how that would ultimately impact the number of US jobs that
would need to be created ASAP.
If I tell 10 people to consider this and you tell 10 people to consider
doing this - see what I becomes an exercise in viral marketing
Remember - the goal here is to restore jobs back here at home - not to
be abrupt or rude to a foreign phone rep. You may even get correct
answers, good advice, and solutions to your problem - in real English.


This is amazing, someone is reading my mind!!!
 23 ADULT TRUTHS ******

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still 
not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you 
realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty 
sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the 
person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at 
work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive 
for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I 
don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks 
me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I 
swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not 
to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or 
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and 

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod 
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up 
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get 
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car 
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the 
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
If you forward this email, please delete the forwarding history,
which includes my email address.

Thank you!

How To Stop Church Gossip

How To Stop Church Gossip
 Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals,
kept sticking her nose into other people's business.

Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities,
but feared her enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there
would know what he was doing!

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing..
Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house,
walked home .... and left it there all night.

(You gotta love Frank!)